Lets Get Political October 21, 2008

Contrary to the title of this post I don’t think I’ll actually be getting all that political, I may make a sassy foray into the margins of American politics but no full on body contact, I assure you.  I read this post yesterday and I must admit that I have rarely read something that so fully expressed my own views.  I am more than a little jealous that I am not able to write something so wonderfully, oh I don’t know, cohesive, intelligent, articulate.  That post, along with a whole slew of other unrelated incidents, has really got me thinking about just how divisive politics really are.   I have to say that elections always seem to bring out the worst in people.  Inevitably, I end up finding out things about my friends and family that I really just don’t want to know, it turns out I liked them much better before they told me they think Sarah Palin is not only wonderful but also an excellent and highly qualified Vice Presidential candidate.  And excuse me, but can you more clearly explain exactly why off-shore drilling will bring an end to our dependence on foreign oil because I don’t see the correlation. 

I have to admit that I find it very difficult to maintain friendships with people who have views that are polar opposite my own and election season only exacerbates this problem.   I don’t like it when I can’t be up front and candid with my friends and tell them exactly how I feel (and I feel strongly about certain issues) but if I were to do that with some of my friends and family it would only end up in a debate or hard feelings.  My parents are conservative republicans, is it too much to ask that my friends and I share similar beliefs?  Probably.  I can’t wait for this to be over so I can go back to burying my head in the sand, turns out I’m much happier that way.

So About That October 14, 2008

I have found that being pregnant this time around has been different in so many ways.  I don’t know what I had expected going into it but everything that I thought would be different hasn’t been and everything that I thought would be similar has been utterly different.  I think the biggest contributing factor in all of this is a precocious two year old named River.  When I was pregnant with him I was able to be a big lazy blob who laid on the couch and ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every night but with him in the picture relaxing on the couch has become a very distant memory.  I have to admit that in some ways I actually like the fact that River keeps me busy, it definitely keeps my mind from wandering into some of those not so nice corridors of worry and obsession.  I was a crazy lunatic when I was pregnant with River and this time around, I don’t know if it’s because I’m having a girl or what, I have felt much more level headed.  Granted, I have had the urge to throw a canister of oatmeal at Kris’s head a time or two but for the most part I have refrained from indulging in such acts of aggression.  Maybe it’s because I simply don’t have the energy or stamina for such angry outbursts or that I don’t want to emulate the behavior of my two year old, either way it’s a very good thing…especially for Kris.

Whenever I think about the fact that I am going to be mother of two in the not so distant future I am filled with a sense of excitement but I’m also scared.  Very scared.  My only experience with babies was with River and boy oh boy was he a little bundle of horror.  He cried for three months straight and until this very day he still does not sleep through the night.  I know I can handle a baby like River but I don’t know if I can handle a baby like River while dealing with a toddler like River.  There are days where I very nearly lose my sanity trying to deal with River’s behavior so I don’t know how I’ll manage to take care of a baby and give River the attention that he so desperately needs.  A low maintenance child he is not. 

I think my biggest worry is how River is going to handle seeing the new baby breastfeed.  I weaned him about 4 months ago and while he no longer asks to breastfeed he is still obsessed with “boos” he is either asking to “kiss boos mama!” or wanting me to breastfeed any number of his toys.  I’m sure the people walking by our house looking in our front windows (we have very nosey neighbors) wonder what kind of crazy woman I am breastfeeding a stuffed giraffe, oh well they already think we are weird whats a little interspecies breastfeeding gonna hurt? We have had numerous conversations about how the baby is going to breastfeed and he has started announcing to people that “baby is gonna eat boos!”  which is just so adorable I could burst.  All of these things bring up my mixed emotions about weaning River at 22 months, especially knowing that I would have breastfed him longer had I not gotten pregnant. I have already decided that this baby will breastfeed as long as she is so inclined and I feel horrible for not allowing River that same privilege.  Ah, mommy guilt.

A Few Things October 10, 2008

I have thought alot about the reasons that I ultimately stopped blogging and it came down to two major things.  The first thing is that I am a routine oriented person (I can’t even poop if my routine gets messed up…what does that tell you?) and when I worked part of my routine was having my morning coffee then sitting at my desk and blogging.  When I lost my job I lost my routine and therefore blogging fell to the wayside.  Another major reason that I didn’t blog while I was off was because our computer is in the basement and there is just no way I can have River play in the basement while I’m down here, I’m sure he would immensely enjoy digging in the litter boxes and going through all of the miscellaneous boxes that are filled with paint, tools and chemicals but I am just not up for yet another call to poison control.  On top of all of those reasons I was pretty weighted down with writing for school and by the time I got all the papers done for school I just didn’t have any more creativity left in me (not that I’m that creative to begin with.)

Luckily, I have a new job and I’m only taking one course this semester and it’s relatively easy so here I am blogging again.  I have to admit that I like working, granted it does have it’s pitfalls but all in all I actually feel as if I’m a better mother when I get out of the house for 20 hours a week and perform a job other than disciplining a spirited toddler, changing dirty diapers, cleaning the house and doing laundry.  I definitely have more patience with River and that makes our time together so much better.  I honestly believe some people are better at being stay at home moms than other people.  I’m no stepford wife that is for damn sure.  I was off for 7 months and I think I may have cooked dinner 8 times and that’s pushing it.

Moving on to my pregnancy!  I am due 1/16/08 though I think it’s more like 1/24/08 but I suppose I’ll go with what the ultrasound and the doctor say considering I bought an awful lot of girl clothes based on what that same ultrasound technician told me.  I will do a whole post about of this lovely pregnancy stuff but I think I’ll end this with a couple pictures I took today of my fat, bulbous self (see I write fat but do you think that will stop be from eating a donut in a little bit?  Nope, not at all. )

This me.

This is me pregnant.

Any questions?

So, Um, Hi? October 9, 2008

I know I haven’t written here in oh, damn near a year and I highly doubt that anyone will even read this but even so here I am…writing.  Alot has changed in the last year and I have to be honest and admit that I. Hate. Change.  Seriously, I really hate change.  I was permanently laid-off from a job that I had worked at since high school.  I then got a job that royally sucked and left there after only 2 months and was then thrown in to being a full time stay at home mom for the next 7 months because I was bound and determined that I was not going to jump into another shit job.  I liked being a stay at home mom and all but we realized our financial situation requires me to bring in at least some income, so a job hunting I did go. I recently got a new job working part time in the evenings Monday - Thursday and this works out wonderfully for many reasons, primarily because I don’t have to shell out an arm and a leg for child care. 

So yeah, I’m working again and oh, I’m 26 weeks pregnant.  I told you alot has changed.

It’s been awhile…no? January 17, 2008

I seem have abandoned you, my loyal readers! So sorry about that. I haven’t been writing for a few reasons. One of which is that I am working at a new job where I have very little time to blog. On top of that I have been feeling very whiny and I decided that I would rather have no blog at all then have a blog that is filled with passage after passage of incessant whining.

What has been going on with me in the last month and a half? Well, I started working at a new company with my BFF, which is fun but the job is not what I expected it to be… I’m afraid to write more for fear someone may stumble upon it. I work in a very small office that has more than its fair share of drama on a daily basis. I’m taking two extremely challenging courses this semester (hmm, I think I might have said the same thing last semester, apparently these senior level courses are difficult, DUH!)

River is good on all counts, I have been having some serious issues finding good childcare but River is set to start going to a daycare center in February which I hope will end the search for quality child care once and for all. He now has six teeth and his favorite word is no, well more specifically, ” no, no, no, no” and usually it’s directed at one of our dogs as they are trying to steal his food.

Oh, and since my last entry was about me starting my period, I thought I should just mention the fact that I haven’t had another period since then, and no, I’m not pregnant. I’m blaming the fact that I’m still breastfeeding and I have never had predictably normal cycles (well, except when I took birth control but those were induced by artificial hormones so they don’t really count.)

I’m going to try to post some pictures this weekend and possibility write an entry that is actually good, instead of just a rushed jumble of words… like this one that I am currently writing, right now, right here, this terrible little thing.

Welcome Back November 21, 2007

*Waving hands furiously*

Hello everyone, I have a very serious personal service announcement for you.  I started my period.  I. Started. My. Period.  Is that serious enough for you?  Probably not a  big deal to anyone but me, but hey, this here site is all about me, so BIG deal.  Very big deal.  It’s weird because it sort of came out of nowhere.  Well, I felt like shit on Sunday but I just thought I was getting sick and I also ate an entire pan of double fudge brownies but that isn’t really out of the ordinary except I usually would have baked turtle brownies as opposed to double fudge so I guess it’s the double fudge aspect that makes it out of the ordinary.

Anyhow, I about fell over when I realized my period had come back to visit again.  I had started to think I was never going to have a period while I was still breastfeeding so imagine  my surprise when I realized what was happening. For some reason I have an intense urge to tell everyone that I meet that I have started my period (I suppose writing about it here is sort of like doing that…no?)  I feel like a 13 year old girl just getting her first period all over again.  I mean it has been two years to the day since I had my last period (Crazy huh?) so I am rather out of practice.

So yes, November 20th will forever be known as my “Return to Fertility” day or better yet “Commencement of the Moon Flow” day to sound all new agey and stuff.  Ah yes, I feel a little weird.  I also remember how much of a pain in the ass having a period is.  I can’t believe I forgot.  Why did I want my period back again?  I can’t seem to remember anymore.  Stupid hormones.

Um, I don’t think so November 15, 2007

I read an article yesterday, written by a woman who is “extended” breastfeeding her daughter.  Her daughter is four years old.  See, when I signed up for this whole child-lead weaning thing, I was  under the impression that said child would wean around the age of two.  I’m going to be honest here and just go ahead and say there is no way in hell I will be breastfeeding River until he is four.  No. Way.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying River may not still want to nurse until he’s four, or as this article asserts, six.  I’m just saying I’m not letting him.  Two, two and a half, fine…. four, absolutely not.

I am all about promoting awareness about extended breastfeeding but I’m not really digging this article.  There are quite a few reasons that I don’t particularly like it, one of the reasons is because the author asserts that nipple twiddling is done to help “stimulate the milk.”  Now lets just call a spade a spade and admit that the nipple twiddling doesn’t have a damn thing to do with stimulating milk.  River is in incessant twiddler and does it even when he has no intention of latching on.  Nipple twiddling is fun! Seriously, think about how many grown men still like to play with boobies. Hell, even some women enjoy playing with them. 

I’m Here November 14, 2007

I haven’t written lately because I just don’t have anything to say. Well, that’s not entirely true.  I could complain about how shitty life is, I could tell you how River is still sick, I could tell you that I have yet to find a job and as of December 13th I will be unemployed.  I guess I could tell you all of that, but it’s depressing and I don’t want complain and be all “whoa is me”.  I would rather write interesting, funny things.

I guess some people may be amused by the fact that River has bathed me in his vomit every night for the past week now.  I have walked around smelling like puke and having bits of regurgitate mandarin oranges and cheese in my hair and not knowing it because I have become so accustomed to the smell.  I have washed our bedding more times in the past week than I have in the last 3 months combined.  All of this, and he doesn’t even have a stomach bug.  He just pukes when he coughs and he coughs alot.

I have alot of work to get done for school which requires extensive reading and writing.  The semester is coming to a close in a few weeks so I have been in a flurry of activity trying to get everything caught up so that I can have it finished on time. This of course leaves me drained and my blog is the first thing to suffer. 

I have also been thinking about the coming months and whether I will even have time to blog once I leave this job, seeing as this is where I do all my blogging.  All of these things combined have contributed to my absence as of late.  Hopefully I’ll be in a better mood next week and will feel more like writing.

I’m Beat November 6, 2007

Croup kicked my ass (even though I wasn’t the one who had it.)  It kicked River’s ass especially hard but since I can’t actually feel how he’s feeling, all I know is how terribly hard it has been for me.   I guess this has been a particularly nasty croup season and judging by the amount of children around River’s age in the emergency room I would say it spread very easily too. He’s still not 100% better, as he is still running a 100 degree fever during the night, but I will take that any day over the 105 degree fever he was running on Friday and Saturday. 

I suppose I could detail the illness for you but really, who wants to hear about copious amounts of snot, coughing until puking and almost dehydration?  That’s what I thought. I did learn something interesting through all of this though, a boob serves as an excellent tissue! Who knew?  It  makes sense though, it’s soft, warm and definitely won’t cause a chapped nose.  Yes, I served as a human tissue all weekend and I didn’t even mind. Anything for my baby.  All hail the boobie.

It is so unfortunate that he came down with this terrible virus during his first week at day care because now, for whatever reason, I have this feeling that the daycare is bad.  I don’t know why I feel that way, he would have gotten croup regardless of whether he was there or not, but the fact that when Kris picked River up on Thursday he was coughing and wheezing with a scratch on his nose and red bump on his head, well, those things make me leery.  I’m sure I”m overreacting but I do wish the babysitter would have at least called me at work to let me know he was sick.

I’m especially nervous about him going tomorrow because he’s still sick and the other kids might be rough with him and what if he doesn’t get the attention that he needs. I just hope this week goes better so that my fears will be calmed and I won’t worry about his safety all day while I’m at work.  It would be great if there was nanny cam that I could watch! Then again, maybe not.

Croup November 2, 2007

Oh dear god. 

Turns out that fever River had on Wednesday had nothing to do with the flu shot and everything to do with the fact that he was coming down with croup.  I guess he woke up from his nap at the babysitters yesterday having trouble breathing and coughing (well, barking would be more like it.)  We ended up taking him to the emergency room (because I’m an alarmist like that) and the doctor told us he had croup, gave him some sort of steroid, and home we went.

He slept okay last night and he woke up today sounding somewhat better but he has been screaming at me all day, he doesn’t want to sleep and is unsatisfiable.  I don’t know why he is so upset today, it appears to me that he’s doing better than yesterday but his behavior would beg to differ with my assessment.  I have never had him be this impossible to please.  He doesn’t want held, he doesn’t want put down, he doesn’t want to play, he doesn’t want to drink (except breastmilk, he still loves the boobies, thank god for the boobies) all he wants to do is scream and I can’t figure out why.

URGH.  Okay, yeah, I’m stressed out.  Today is one of those days that a glass (or bottle) of wine sounded really good around 10:00 a.m and has only sounded better and better as the day has gone by.  Stupid croup.