I have found that being pregnant this time around has been different in so many ways. I don’t know what I had expected going into it but everything that I thought would be different hasn’t been and everything that I thought would be similar has been utterly different. I think the biggest contributing factor in all of this is a precocious two year old named River. When I was pregnant with him I was able to be a big lazy blob who laid on the couch and ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every night but with him in the picture relaxing on the couch has become a very distant memory. I have to admit that in some ways I actually like the fact that River keeps me busy, it definitely keeps my mind from wandering into some of those not so nice corridors of worry and obsession. I was a crazy lunatic when I was pregnant with River and this time around, I don’t know if it’s because I’m having a girl or what, I have felt much more level headed. Granted, I have had the urge to throw a canister of oatmeal at Kris’s head a time or two but for the most part I have refrained from indulging in such acts of aggression. Maybe it’s because I simply don’t have the energy or stamina for such angry outbursts or that I don’t want to emulate the behavior of my two year old, either way it’s a very good thing…especially for Kris.
Whenever I think about the fact that I am going to be mother of two in the not so distant future I am filled with a sense of excitement but I’m also scared. Very scared. My only experience with babies was with River and boy oh boy was he a little bundle of horror. He cried for three months straight and until this very day he still does not sleep through the night. I know I can handle a baby like River but I don’t know if I can handle a baby like River while dealing with a toddler like River. There are days where I very nearly lose my sanity trying to deal with River’s behavior so I don’t know how I’ll manage to take care of a baby and give River the attention that he so desperately needs. A low maintenance child he is not.
I think my biggest worry is how River is going to handle seeing the new baby breastfeed. I weaned him about 4 months ago and while he no longer asks to breastfeed he is still obsessed with “boos” he is either asking to “kiss boos mama!” or wanting me to breastfeed any number of his toys. I’m sure the people walking by our house looking in our front windows (we have very nosey neighbors) wonder what kind of crazy woman I am breastfeeding a stuffed giraffe, oh well they already think we are weird whats a little interspecies breastfeeding gonna hurt? We have had numerous conversations about how the baby is going to breastfeed and he has started announcing to people that “baby is gonna eat boos!” which is just so adorable I could burst. All of these things bring up my mixed emotions about weaning River at 22 months, especially knowing that I would have breastfed him longer had I not gotten pregnant. I have already decided that this baby will breastfeed as long as she is so inclined and I feel horrible for not allowing River that same privilege. Ah, mommy guilt.
is a transition Tara, from one to two, and it does happen one way or another.
I worried and tried to plan too, and in the end, none of it went the way I thought it would. Ryan was such an easy baby, and I never considered my second would not be- Cole is a high needs little guy, and nothing prepared me for that.
I think you should think about it, but in the end, you don’t know what it will be like until you are there. River could surprise you, or he could act just like you think he will- same thing with the baby. In the end, you do have to work with cards you have been dealt, and you figure it out faster than you think.
I felt guilty about weaning Ryan at 26 months, but I could not stand him nursing a second longer ( I was seven months pregnant when I weaned him). Cole is now 29 months and is still nursing. I don’t plan to wean him, and even though I am sad at times Ryan didn’t get to nurse that long, Cole never has had my undivided attention like Ryan has since he was the firstborn. So, don’t feel guilty. It is a trade-off, and sometimes one child may get more of something at one time, and vice versa. You are a great mom.
I’m so glad you are blogging again.
wow sogood to hear from you again… i am typing one handed lol… i weaned kya at 22 months also. well she kinda weaned herself. new baby is nursing and kya still kisses nunu’s but no nurin’