Last night was fun and a little surprising. River absolutely loved trick or treating, so much so that he had an absolute fit when I tried to bring him back to our house. I had no idea he would like it so much, I was actually worried that some of the costumes might scare him. Quite the opposite, he found everything very interesting and wasn’t scared once. (more…)
Daycare October 31, 2007
Yesterday, I decided that it was of the utmost importance that River get a flu shot before starting in-home daycare today. So I had my mom take River over to the doctors office yesterday afternoon to get his vaccine. Because you know, if he didn’t have his vaccine yesterday there was the distinct possibility he could contract a nasty case of the flu today or tomorrow and become seriously ill and possibly die (see here, this is me making fun of myself.)
This morning he woke up with a fever of 101 because um, duh mom, it’s his first time getting the vaccine and of course he is going to have a reaction to it. In my valiant efforts to help guard him against dangerous illnesses I have sent him to his first day at daycare with a fever. I think he’s feeling fine other than the fever judging by his behavior this morning before we left. He was doing his usual morning routine of running around the house, chasing the dogs and cats all the while holding onto kitchen utensils and chewing on a pretzel rod. The boy loves pretzels.
He even handled being dropped off better than I expected. When we walked into the house we were greeted by three other children all around River’s age and as soon as I set him down on the floor he was off playing with them. He didn’t even notice when I left. I do believe I was more traumatized by this whole experience than he was.
I’m now sitting here worrying about him drinking other children’s sippy cups which may have juice in them (juice gives him diarrhea) or the other children stealing his food and him not getting enough to eat. And what if the other children are mean to him and hit or bite him, or better yet, what if he is mean to the other children? What if he poops in his diaper and the babysitter doesn’t notice right away and he gets a terrible diaper rash? What if, what if, what if. I’m actually not that worried about all of these things, I’m sure he’s fine and having a ball playing with all his new friends but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t spend at least 35% of my day worrying.
Oh, the excitement October 30, 2007
I am super excited about Halloween tomorrow. I’m not sure if it’s because of my Halloween deprivation as a child or the fact that I now have a child of my own to celebrate it with, but whatever, EXCITEMENT!
We have these neighbors across the street from us that have huge Halloween decorations in their yard. They have two of those big blowup whatyamacallits and gravestones lining the walkway up to their door. River loves looking out the window at their decorations and is constantly pointing at them saying “Dah?”. I contemplated (for a whole 5 seconds) putting Halloween decorations in our yard but I thought it might look like we are trying to compete when honestly, there is just no competing with these people.
They actually mow their lawn and on top of that, they even manage to rake up the leaves (I bet the inside of their house is spotless too, which is just sooo not my style, I’m more a controlled chaos sort of girl.) So even if I were to go out and buy Halloween decorations in an attempt to compete, my yard would just then actually look like a graveyard as opposed to a perfectly trimmed yard with graveyard decorations. There is a difference.
We did carve pumpkins last night which is much more in keeping with our “natural” theme (read: easier, cheaper and can be composted.)
Long Overdue October 25, 2007
Something has really been pissing me off lately and I have been meaning to write about it for a few weeks now but haven’t really had the energy. Today, I do. So hear I go.
I am so fucking tired of people telling me that I should be weaning River or that he should already be weaned. It is simply none of their business whether or not River is still nursing, even more than that, it’s none of their business when I do plan on weaning him. Unless someone has some support to offer me they really need to just suck their mouths and keep their unwanted advice to themselves. If I want advice I’ll ask for it, thank you very much.
Inevitability, whenever this line of questioning comes about, I get all defensive and I can feel the blood rush to my face and my fists clench. I usually start citing numerous reliable research studies that show that there are indeed health benefits when you nurse a child past one year of age. Then I go on to say how the World Health Organization suggests nursing a child until at least two years of age and even beyond. Sometimes, if a person is actually LISTENING to what I’m saying I’ll even add in that children don’t develop T-Cells until two years of age and that breastmilk provides protection until they develop their own.
Unfortunately, people usually don’t listen to a word I’m saying. They just shake their head and give me some stupid, pathetic look, like “Poor girl, making excuses, tsk tsk.” I don’t understand why people can’t get past the fact that he’s not a baby anymore but is still breastfeeding. I can’t tell you how many people have said to me that once they start walking or “asking for it” it’s time to wean. What bothers me even more is that they aren’t saying these things just to me, educated little me, they are saying these things to women who may not have sat in front a computer reading and researching and arming themselves with knowledge. They are saying these things to women who will hear it, believe it’s true, take it as fact and decide to end a wonderful nursing relationship based simply on a few peoples uneducated misconceptions about breastfeeding.
Over the weekend I was at a baby shower and was talking to the expectant mother about breastfeeding. I offered her my support if she needed it once the baby was born and she thanked me for my offer but said “my sister nursed her baby for a whole three months, so she knows what she’s doing.” I responded that I’m still nursing River at 14 months and tried to instill in her that not only is it okay to nurse that long but how wonderful it is for both mother and child. I am doing my part to change the societal misconceptions about extended breastfeeding by educating one person at a time. My hope is that other women are doing the same thing and eventually we can actually make a difference.
Boo October 24, 2007
I love Halloween. I think part of the reason that I love Halloween so much is because as a child I wasn’t allowed to participate in the Halloween festivities because it was against my parents “religion”. I remember my mom and me sitting in the living room, lights darkened, watching the Fat Albert Halloween special on television hiding ourselves from the trick or treaters outside the door. I remember wishing that I could be outside trick or treating with all my friends and not really understand why I couldn’t. I knew what our church said about Halloween, that it was the “devil’s day”, but that never made much sense to me, even as a child.
I’ll never completely understand the fear that so many people harbor regarding Halloween. I especially do not understand why so many churches preach against it. Fire breathing pastors behind the pulpit, lecturing about the evils of Halloween, instilling fear in their congregation. Ugh. I could go on and on about what Halloween really is about and how it originated but suffice it to say that if anyone is truly interested they’ll research it on their own and develop their own opinions.
Now that I’m older and have distanced myself from the religion of my upbringing (hugely distanced some may say) Halloween, or Samhain (pronounced Sow-en) as it is to me, is a special day. It has nothing to do with the devil and everything to do with the circle of life. I don’t believe in the devil, to me, he is just a creation of mankind, created to keep people in fear and therefore easier to manipulate. There is good and bad in everything and everyone, just to differing degrees. Needless to say, River will most definitely be trick or treating. He’s going to be a dragon, and me…well, I’ll be a witch of course.
Mr. Big Man October 23, 2007
River has no fear, none whatsoever. This weekend he had two separate accidents because he apparently thinks he has superhero powers. The first accident was by far the worst (for me anyway.) He took a tumble down our hardwood stairs and I watched him fall down every single step unable to do a single thing to stop it. (Well, I suppose I could have stopped it from happening all together had I put a gate at the top of the stairs but that is neither here nor there. Of course I went out and bought a gate the minute after he fell down the stairs. A minute too late.)
River was standing at the top of the steps like he does every other morning but for some reason, Saturday was the day he decided it was time to go down them. He lost his footing and tumbled down the steps starting out going down feet first but in the process of falling he turned this way and that trying to stop himself and ended up going down headfirst and face planting into the gate we had up at the bottom of the steps. I suppose the gate at the bottom of the steps helped stop the momentum of his fall so it did serve a purpose.
He cried for a minute but then was right back chasing the dog and he was more than ready to have a go at the stairs again. I think I was more shook up by the whole incident than he was. As I watched him fall down the steps all that I could think about were the awful things that could happen as a result. I felt so helpless and I was shaking like a leaf afterwards, I literally could not dial the phone my hands were shaking so bad. I contemplated taking him to the emergency room but I figured he seemed no worse for the wear and the last thing I needed was someone to accusing me of being negligent. I mean what, we aren’t supposed to throw them down the stairs and let them stick their fingers in electrical outlets? You mean I’m actually supposed to watch my child? I never knew.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, River has become obsessed with climbing and has figured out how to climb into our dining room chairs. Sitting in the chairs isn’t nearly enough fun and he insists on standing in them. After putting him in time out five times a row for standing in the chair the phone rang and I took my eyes off him for five measly seconds and THUMP, he fell out of the chair. I actually think he cried harder when he fell out of the chair than when he fell down the stairs.
I’m convinced he’s trying to kill himself, either that or give me a damn heart attack. He’s a fearless creature! I’m not sure how you teach a child fear, I thought that getting hurt doing something once would put a stop to that particular action but not River, no, he just keeps on going at it. I can only imagine what some of his future exploits will be.
Looking Forward October 22, 2007
I may be job hunting for quite awhile because apparently no one wants to hire an Administrative Assistant only part time. To be honest, I don’t really care if I have to wait a long time in order find a job that fits with what I am looking for. I would rather wait and find the perfect job than jump right into the wrong job and end up bobbing and weaving from one wrong job to the next. I plan on being patient and am fully prepared for it take upwards of six months for me to find the right job.
My biggest fear is that once I get laid off from my current job and have the opportunity to stay at home with River I won’t want to go back to work. I can already see how it will play out. I’ll get laid off in December and if I haven’t found a job by then I’ll be be eligible for unemployment for six months. I’ll stay at home with River, establish a schedule and a new routine and eschew seriously looking for a job because I’ll be lulled into complacency with the false sense of financial security that the unemployment checks will offer. Eventually the unemployment checks will stop coming but by then I’ll be so used to staying at home that I won’t want to go back to work but of course I’ll be forced to go back to work because we actually do need my income. It will be so much worse going back to work and leaving River after being out of the workforce that long and I’ll miss River all the more.
I don’t know what the right decision is for me to make in this situation. I keep hoping that it will magically be revealed to me but that is mostly because I hate making decisions that have the possibility of negatively effecting my future. It’s much easier if the universe just reveals my life path to me in a moment of supreme clarity (look at me getting all metaphysical!) In a perfect world I would be able to stay home or at least I’d be able find the “perfect” job this month. Somehow I doubt it will be that easy.
Little goodness October 18, 2007
It turns out that I am employable. The job that I interviewed for on Friday could have been all mine had I been willing to work five days a week. They were even willing to pay me the salary I had requested, which totally surprised me. After alot of soul searching I turned down the job because I know in my heart that I don’t want to sacrifice precious time with River just for more money.
It was a good experience though because it gave me the confidence I needed to approach this whole job hunting situation. It also gave me the perspective that I needed and made me evaluate the situation and figure out what I want and also what I’m willing, or as the case may be, not willing to sacrifice. Overall, I have a much more positive outlook today than I did a week ago.
Hopefully next week I’ll be back to my myself and my blogging will return to it’s regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for all of your comments, they have have been more helpful than you know!
Update October 16, 2007
I have been dreading writing a blog entry this week. I’m tired of talking about my stupid work “situation” yet I can’t seem to get it out of my mind and I don’t have anything else I feel like writing about. I had an impromptu job interview Friday that I was in no way ready for. It seemed like it would have been a great job but I’ve come to the realization today that I didn’t get it. Then again, I don’t know if I would have hired me either as I was woefully unprepared for the interview. In my defense I was only given a four hour notice and had no time to get a resume together or get in a good state of mind for that matter. Plus, I can’t work Friday’s because I have school and I doubt that appeals to many prospective employers. There are no jobs in my area right now so it looks like I am just stuck waiting.
Here’s the other shoe October 11, 2007
I just found out that my position is being eliminated at work. How’s that for the other shoe that I was looking for? When I got back from lunch my boss pulled into his office and told me that sales were down and he’s forced to eliminate my position. Basically, he told me to start looking for another job and I could work here until Kris’s health insurance kicks in and/or I find another job. It was a really sad moment because I have been at this company since I was 18 and everyone is like family.
I can’t say I’m surprised by any of this because business has gone from bad to worse in the last year but it’s still really depressing. I hate change which I guess is part of the reason I have stayed with this company for almost 8 years. I’m still collecting my thoughts about all of this and I’m trying really hard to remain positive. I keep repeating to myself “Everything happens for a reason.” Because seriously, it has to right?
So I guess I’m now officially on the market!
